I’m MESSY: Rule #736

Rule number 736 of relationships. Don’t try to change too much of who you are to please someone else. (Note: you must change a little so you do no harm. That’s rule number 735)

The reason for rule number 736 is that it’s dangerous. If you lose yourself trying to please others– and the others don’t notice or appreciate the change–you run the risk of becoming a Martyr. And PLEASE do not afflict yourself with that. It’s the affliction of another generation altogether. Also, you’ll hate the person you love. Also, you’ll be hated in return. So it’s the definitive NO WIN SITUATION.

That said:


Oh god. I’m so messy. Have we clarified that I’m not dirty? (Okay, my car… and the bottom of my feet…)

But I don’t think dust is dirt. I think it’s time warn and wise. YES I THINK DUST IS WISE.

And I love piles of books and piles of buttons and bits of jewelry all over the place. I love stacks of clothes and coats because they are colorful and interesting. I do not like hoarding… but piles can be pretty if they are well managed.

I like bottles and bottles and bottles of things on my sink because I can find things and also they remind me of other things that I need to remember. And I like the mermaid doll hanging half out of the glass with my toothbrush in it because it’s funny. Like she can’t get out or in….

I like a clean sink, but I like stacked dishes in the dish drainer. We have pretty dishes…. I like seeing them there…. sue me.

I like my shoes to be where I left them even if it’s in the middle of the room.

I like dead flowers (if they dry well) because they remind me of Mrs. Havisham. (Who I secretly desire to be.) Don’t know who she is? Read. By the way is it Haversham or Havisham?

I like my hair messy and big. My clothes rumpled and my bed unmade so that the comforter welcomes me back in at night.

I like messy food. Mixtures of textures and sweet and salty and colorful.

Messy relationships are complex and layered and IMPORTANT. If it isn’t messy– it isn’t interesting.

I’m a mess. I make messes. It’s true. But I’ve cleaned up a lot for you.